I recently dropped my son off at school. We were running a bit late, racing out the door. We hop in the car and my 8th grade boy looks at me and says, “shoot, I forgot to do my hair, does it look okay?”
“Ummmm, sure it does, dude.” Then I look down at the totally righteous pants he chose to put on to match his upstanding hairdo. Wrinkled and covered in grass stains, plus they are high waters because he’s grown so fast! Oh, geez Louise.
I dropped him off reluctantly and felt like a failure of a father while I drove to work. I was really down on myself. As I pull up to Elevation Now, I get a snapchat from my 18-year-old daughter who is living on her own in Idaho. She’s working two jobs and in this particular (snap) pic she has a huge smile on her face as she’s sporting her Starbucks seasonal apron with two thumbs up. I notice myself beam with pride and my feelings of failure diminish.
That fun rollercoaster of emotion is something I must keep in check as it is a glimpse of what I witness in my office daily.
Last week I had a few people come in to see me and they were really struggling. They weren’t struggling physically; they were struggling emotionally. They are caring for their parents who are declining in health. I could see the life being drained out of them as overwhelmed caretakers.
It reminded me awhile back listening to parents coming in to see me, who were also struggling emotionally, not because of their parents, but because they were worried about their own kids.
Welcome to the “sandwich generation.”
The sandwich generation are the caretakers of their parents, and they simultaneously feel the weight of responsibility to care for their grown children and even oftentimes grandchildren.
Many of them are well off and capable and it’s a beautiful thing to see generations of family members connecting and making family memories. The common denominator is an abundance of health and cumulative good decisions where their kids have the right mindset and resources to care for themselves and their own children.
I’ve realized and witnessed how easy it is to get caught up in the lives of family members and to carry “their weight,” when they are down, upset, or struggling with something. We all will go to great lengths, sometimes defying logic, and rational thought to come to the rescue of someone we love. And all of that is fine and dandy, if we don’t sink our own ship trying to bail out someone else’s!
When it comes to being emotionally attached to someone else’s outcome, it often is a losing battle. It got me asking the question, “Am I really helping them, if I’m feeling their pain and depressing myself?” And “Is there a more productive way to be empathetic, and also keep myself “up/optimistic,” and possibly help them climb back up the ladder of emotions?
Why am I talking about this in a wellness center article?
Because your emotional state affects your physiology, how much cortisol (stress hormone) is being produced, it’s affecting the functioning of your organs and your body’s ability to absorb nutrients and expel waste; your emotional health is the root of your body’s ability to adapt to its environment. If you’re feeling down and depressed and it’s not your stuff, then you can bring yourself up to a better feeling place and in turn, gain your health back.
Your health is your responsibility. Your emotional state is your responsibility. Resiliency is when we can maintain our health and our emotional state regardless of what’s happening around us. Does this mean you grow numb to being empathetic? Absolutely not. You can absolutely “be there” for someone, especially a family member who is ill, struggling, depressed, or experiencing a tough time, but it doesn’t mean you have to follow them down that path and reside there with them. In fact, that’s only worsening their situation.
Finding things that lift you up is the best way to “shake off” the weight of someone’s suffering that’s close to you. You must find a way to build yourself up, recharge your battery so when you interact with them again, you are in a good, more vibrant emotional space to do so, and that’s when you can share the best version of yourself with them and potentially help “raise them up.”
Think about that for yourself, “Were you ever positively impacted and “lifted up” out of a funk by a friend or family member that felt your pain so bad, that they themselves became upset and depressed?”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it can’t be extremely beneficial to simply sit with someone and be there for them, but seriously, if you spiraled down into negative emotion would that really benefit them?
So, whether it’s the right support group of friends, hiking in the great outdoors, a simple neighborhood walk, volunteering for those much less fortunate than you, getting adjusted, a massage or eating really good nurturing foods, you have the ability to center yourself in the middle of a seeming storm of emotions.
And you will find by caring for yourself, you’ll draw your family members like a magnet to pursuing the same path of gaining resiliency to lift themselves up as well.
We are seeing this become very evident with participants in our 8 weeks to wellness program. They are feeling great, because they are eating cleaner, they are exercising regularly, getting massages, receiving consistent adjustments, and learning mindfulness techniques and THEY ARE INFLUENCING THOSE AROUND THEM IN A POSITIVE WAY!
Happy/healthy people are magnets, but so are unhappy/unhealthy people. Like attracts like. What would you rather attract?
Be mindful of where your headspace is at, whether it’s grass-stained pants or Starbucks pride that you are witnessing, your emotions are under your control.
You have within you all the tools you need. Let us know if you need a little help and guidance and we will be there for you!
See you at your next “uplifting” adjustment!